Go away dark clouds!
Well, that was December, 30 2010. It was school holiday. All I felt were just a bunch of happiness. I succeeded again to get the first rank at school on that semester, i was excited thinking about YES program. Yeah, YES program, that was all what it was all about. I had too many imagination in my brain of being one of exchange student in US through YES program. In fact, there was no information about the selected candidates yet. That night, after praying magrib, I turned on my laptop, and shocked when opening PESERTA SELEKSI YES (group in Fb), i read, Alfi (one of my friend in Aceh) got information that she officially passed YES program! Wow, my heart was pounding crazily. But, i tried to calm my self down. That night, i was home-alone. My parent visited the friends of them. I just spent my time finishing the YES form. My handphone was ringing all the time, Arin called me, then Pattih did too, the Ridho, and others, they all discussed about the YES official announcement of who was in and who was out, phew. I knew, every YES candidate was worried, and so was I. Finally, i figured out, for Chapter Padang (that was my chapter) the information would be given on 11 p.m. I couldn't concentrate in doing anything. It was still 9.30 p.m., I was writing my letter to host family when Adli texted me. "Yang dari Pekanbaru lulus cuma Ridho." I was in silence. I still didn't believe it. 5 minutes after silence, I called Tante Im (The Head of Chapter Padang) to make sure, and yeah, that was it. I didn't pass. After all that has happened..
I started to cry, i can't control my emotion. I can barely handle my self. I called my mom, and cried out. I felt like falling into a deep hole. After a while, my mom and dad came home, i hugged my mom. I slept with my mom that night. I didn't want to let go of my arms from mom. At least, It can calm myself a bit. The next day, i saw the dark clouds were looming. I lost all my happiness, my passion, spirit. My parents had taken me to my hometown to cheer me up, but it didn't work at all. That was my big dream, my obsession! and i failed! Everyone tried to comfort me, give advice... but still, the dark clouds became more and more...
I greeted 2011 with no smile on my face. It affected me for months. What I hated so much is the fact that the quota was decreasing form 103 to 67 people. How could! I sometimes cried seeing the happiness of my friends conversations in YES fb group. I often regretted myself. But.. I realized, i should rise up! It's not about the quota, it's not about my inability, it's my destiny. Allah gave the best way for me. YES isn't the only way to pursue my dream to go to the other part of world! I should remove the dark clouds! Just think about the positive sides! I got great experiences during a year of up-and-down YES selection, i met many wonderful people, i got many friends from all over Indonesia, I learned about abroad more, I've had my first mantoux test, and I didn't suffer from TBC (what the.. -,-) and many many more advantages! Yeah, it's my time to rise up and shine!
Now, The skies shine bright! I still stay connected with my YES friends, congratulate them of getting host family , making visa, and others. I live my life, run my activities, pursue my other dreams, no more hurt feelings, because I believe, "Every cloud has a silver lining!" :)
