It’s midnight now — maybe because of slightly disrupted circadian rhythm, I couldn’t sleep yet. I’m trying to read a Forensic textbook (as I’ll start my first clinical rotation in Forensic Department by Monday), but nothing is going in my head. Perhaps my brain has become dull over the three-month holiday.
After a lot of vain attempts to study, i end up here.. looking at my old blog, reading my previous writings. I suddenly feel nostalgic reading my post about YES selection during high school, that moment still has a place in my heart, it always has. But what really make me laugh silently are posts from my early days as medical student. I cried all the time. No, I still cry all the time, LOL. I kinda like to keep personal stuffs to myself, bottling everything inside, so when the bottle is almost full and going to explode, i’ll just cry… But I find myself crying a lot over little things back then, I remember crying because I hated memorising all those anatomical terms, i remember joining many BSO and events to prevent myself from crying because i missed home, i remember calling my mom all in tears just because i felt too emotional after riding bicycle in heavy rain. I was so naive, so immature, not to say I’m all grown up now, but… I think I can control my tears much better lately :p.
Well, in fact, I didn’t really intend to write about tears here, haha. What i’m trying to say is.. as time flies, many things change (although some things remain the same). If in 2012 i struggled to fit in my preclinical life, now, in 2016, alhamdulillah i’ve passed that stage, i’ve earned my S.Ked degree, and i’ll start my clinical life in two days, struggling again, with brand new environment, brand new group for 2 years (Hey there Erik, Arta, Nikko, Dimas, Vincent, Ida, Lydia, Dijay, Gabi, Dansuk, Febi, Wisnu; I’m writing all your names here because I put my faith in Allah that we will be strong and solid for next two years and.. forever! Good luck for us 16101! kekeke).
I don’t know what will happen next, what will be waiting ahead, or what twists await. All I know, It’s time to turn the ending into the new beginning towards a great journey and hopefully it will conclude another beautiful ending. A note to myself, as a person that really hard to let go of things, I hope I can hold tight to good things in life, and stop holding on too long for what I can’t control. Be ready to embrace reality, learn many new things, take chances, and keep climbing.
Every tear should live its purpose, so I promise I will shed tears for better reasons in the future — the tears of joy and relief, of grace and hope, of love and gratitude.
Nothing is more powerful and beautiful than a smile that has struggled through the time and tears.
